i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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