Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
