You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Pooping to opera.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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