i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
