Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
