So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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