I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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