Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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