considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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