LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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