i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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