I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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