your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
