I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
