But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
