My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
