Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
