that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
