Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Someone came in the potted fern
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
