No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
