wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he shaved USA in his pubs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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