It's Friday. Sex?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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