everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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