Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
