I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
