theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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