We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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