btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
