She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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