I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
