People in love make me want to vomit
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
