I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
