I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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