I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
