with your own penis?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
