i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
