Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
