I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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