It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
