Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
