This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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