my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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