Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
