Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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