in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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