I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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