YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
