When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
