it hurts more in the daytime
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
