Having a random hookup so left but love u
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
