I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
