you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
