I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
