No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
