my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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