GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
