Apparently you make a good broom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
