her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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