He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
sex in a hospital.. check
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
