Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
